Now You Are Two

I can't believe on Saturday I woke up the mother of a two-year-old human. I don't know the exact science behind birthdays, but in my head she went to bed a one-year-old and woke up two. I blinked my eye lids and my infant, the one who wouldn't let me put her down without screaming, is now an independent toddler who loves Rihanna and handbags. 

The day Vale was born was the best day of my life. I could feel it while it was happening, that all of the other best days were being replaced by something I could never explain to another person. Becoming a mom was and is something you can't fully understand in any way but theory unless you are one. The moment I saw my cone-headed, wrinkle-faced, blue-eyed baby girl I thought, "Wow, those are some long eyelashes." Then I thought, "Gross, those are some long fingernails." Then I thought "Holy cow, I love you so much." As if to reply I love you, too mama she wrapped her extremely long fingernailed-fingers around mine and opened her eyes for the first time. 

A couple days after Vale was born I remember being sleep deprived, very uncomfortable from multiple surgeries, and my face hurt from smiling so much. I had this profound, intense feeling of completion and togetherness; it was like all of the moments of my life had come together to make me the mother of this baby. She was mine, and I was hers and even after two years I still really like her. No buyer's remorse at all. 

To celebrate Vale's birthday we took the kids (Valen and her cousin) to LBI for the weekend. We played in the sand, froze our rears off in the surf, ran around barefoot on pebbles, and took lots of wagon walks. The kids loaded their diapers up with beach stuff, as they often do, and pretended to drive the car for over an hour while we adults enjoyed a cocktail and some fish tacos. I was able to hold my little girl while she blew out her birthday candles, and then I watched her house a freakin' ton of chocolate cake and french onion dip. It was a perfect weekend trip with people I love. Also, none of us took a shower for a full 48 hours and you really can't have a perfect weekend trip around people who expect you to smell good. 

I'm now sitting at my sister's house, trying to write this blog post, and both of the kids are hitting the keys on my laptop, stealing toys from each other, and doing the hula while they watch Lilo and Stitch. It's so insanely distracting that I have to read what I'm writing over, and over, and over again just so I stay on topic. kjglfdkgj;fdlkgdlk;gkjfd;lgj

After an hour long break...

I started looking at old pictures of Vale for inspiration and focus and I became really emotional. I am so lucky to have all of this noise, and I love my noisemaker so much. She might act like a wildling sometimes, but at night when It's just she and I, and she's draped over my shoulder stroking my back so she can fall asleep, all of the stresses of the day melt away. In those moments I get to feel the way I felt on the best day of my life: so happy I could smush her to death with hugs and kisses. For every mentally exhaustive moment I have with this kid there are twenty blessed ones. When I look at all of the beautiful pictures taken of my child over the last two years not one reminds me of a time I was stressed out or tired. They're all covered in blessings. 

When she was really tiny, and just learning to hold her neck up by herself, we would wake up super early in the morning (when it was pitch black and quiet and no one else was around). I would tuck my knees in to my chest and sit her on my legs and stare at her. I'd talk to her in between feeds and that's when she would do all of the really amazing stuff: she'd coo, she'd smile, she'd stick her tongue out, and she'd stare at my hands while she held them and clamped her little gums on them. At least once a day I would sing 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' to her because she'd squawk like a bird and make spit bubbles. She has always been, and will probably always remain, the most vocally expressive kid on the planet. She used to use her powers for good, and now that she's two she mostly uses them for evil. It's amazing how long she can belt and how red she can get before she finally takes a breath.

My favorite time with Vale is still the morning. She and I get to lay like broccoli, and give snuggly Eskimo kisses, and giggle about unspoken secrets. She eats a lot more solid food now, two years later, and takes a monster adult-sized poop shortly after all of the cute stuff happens; but, our time together gets better every single day in every single way. I hope you have the most magical second year, Bunny girl. I am so proud to be your mama, and I'm going to hold on to our perfect mornings for as long as I possibly can. 

Happy Birthday! 

xoxo

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